a time capsule from oct 2021 ⏳
a snapshot from when i pivoted industries, began to process grief, and almost moved across the country 💭
This piece was written originally as a blog post back in 2021. Some minor edits have been made to match parts of my voice in the current day, but I want to honor my past self (younger me) who was navigating change with so much bravery and grace. Who had bright ideas, dreams, and visions for something better than what she had at that moment. And who was so thankful for the doors that opened shortly after. The most recent changes to this piece actually share where I am today in 2026, so make sure to read to the very end. <3
This piece is the last from a mini series, where I’m sharing the final blog posts I wrote before taking a long break from my business (4 years ago, in my mid-twenties). As I’m preparing for my coaching relaunch (1:1 coaching interest list is here!), these posts will give you a snippet into a chapter of my life that has informed my work. If you’re interested in reading more, click through below.
And if you’re looking for the series I published on mental health, click below.
Sooo… 2021 just flew by, didn’t it? I often think to myself how the natural shifts in life move so seamlessly that you don’t tend to notice until you’re at the end of the tunnel or somewhere where the tides have slowed down. If you read my recent blog post titled “why i’m returning back to long form writing” then you would know that I’m beginning a return back to my roots to my online presence (storytelling) as an act of returning home back to myself. I found the shift happening gradually since the pandemic started back in March 2020, but it really became evident to me that I could no longer avoid the shift when I started to feel my mind, heart and body start to burn out.
Now you might be wondering, what has changed since my most recent posts?
Well, to start off...
1. I have a new 9-5 job.
When my blog was most active, I was actually working my first job out of college. That job felt soul sucking (the typical overworked, underpaid, and unfulfilling long-term situation), and although I felt thankful for being given an opportunity to work and make money, I still felt trapped and wanted a place to express myself and share my thoughts with the world.
By writing as much as I did, it led me to landing a coaching job in July 2019 for first generation, low income, underrepresented students of color who were going to college for the first time. This was literally a job title I applied for right out of college, couldn’t get, and about a year and a half later, I got the role! That job was contracted to end by July 2021, which meant I needed to find something new to sustain myself and keep funding my lifestyle and my dreams.
When looking for new work, I had multiple breakdowns because I kept thinking to myself what was my next step. I had so much support in deciding that for myself and embracing the love others had to give me, but it got to a point where I needed to stop trying to do everything at once. And by everything, I mean…
Being a good coach
Being a good daughter
Being a good partner
Finding new work
Maintaining friendships
Tending to my mental health during a pandemic
And so on
Once I relinquished the control I tried to have in every single part of my life, I felt more at ease. And I ended up talking to the right people at the right time, and it landed me my new role at Zillow1 (yes the real estate company), as a Technical Recruiter, which is something I’ve never done before!
To only have worked in non profits and the education/public service space, this has been a huge transition for me, but I have been learning so much during my time here and feel confident in my values to make sure I lead with them no matter what company I work at. I’ve also come to terms with the narrative of only being a true entrepreneur or reaching “the dream” if you quit your 9-5 job. That narrative never sat right with me and that’s a different blog post coming soon.2 But for now, let’s move onto another update.
2. I ended up not moving to Boston.
My close friends knew this was something that was potentially in the works, but during October of 2020, my partner landed a job on the East Coast and was expected to move there for work. However, the pandemic continued to delay the anticipated move date and made us both think realistically what we want for our future. Our relationship grew so much during this time, especially with it being the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in, and I continue to learn and accept that I deserve a secure, safe, and abundant partnership.
Instead of moving to Boston, we focused on our relationship, our families, our careers and taking care of our well being. It served us better in the long run.
Although my move to Boston isn’t happening anymore, a new move is coming up for the future, somewhere else in the Bay Area and I’m remaining open to the process, as that sorts itself out when the time comes.3
3. I began to learn how to navigate grief even when the world kept moving.
TW: brief mention of suicide, skip to #4 if you prefer not to read about the grief that follows
When 2021 began, people were excited because at least 2020 was over. And for me, I fell into that same boat. But our Asian elders increasingly became targets back in February and it took an emotional toll on me and my family. And then I experienced a close friend and mentee die by suicide during Mental Health Awareness month. My writing on self-love, mental health and growth had been implicitly shaped by my relationship with her, and after hearing the shocking news, I felt so much guilt for not doing more to be there for her (even if that’s not the best thought to have, it was one that flooded the depths of my mind).
I knew that no matter how much I continued to work, coach my clients, coach my students, create content and do everything externally to prove my worth and serve others, I was not taking care of myself. I needed to pause and feel everything that was asking to be felt.
I felt overwhelmed by sadness and anger that built up within my body since I never took the time to process it all. When I decided to take care of myself, it entailed me taking a break from social media and my coaching business (what was meant to be 2 weeks, became 2 months and eventually became 4 years).
Navigating my grief was something I hadn’t given myself the space to do since my most recent break up back in 2019. All that I have learned from processing my grief back then served me well this year when I actually decided to lean into the uncomfortable emotions. When I had suppressed everything, all my lessons from my grief didn’t matter since I couldn’t tap into it.
Slowing down even when the world kept moving, all to make sure I was okay, was something I had to prioritize. To build the habit of prioritizing yourself so that you in turn can care for others more effectively, matters more than you may realize. That’s what I found out at least.
And while processing my grief, I leaned into my wellness practices and acts of conscious/slow living. I started to feel alive again after letting my grief be and being gentle with myself as I figured out my next step.
Just one next step and then the next. Which leads me to my last update (for this post at least…)
4. I started to reintroduce my roots of integrating wellness, sustainability, and personal growth into one platform instead of “niching down” to only speak on one topic only.
If you know online business or the world of growing a side hustle/personal brand, you know you are supposed to be known for that one thing and that’s how you grow.4 And that’s completely fine to do if this gives you life, but I’ve found the need to detach myself from the need to hustle and constantly work on what makes me happy since it can be emotionally draining. Because in the end, what are you doing this all for if your life continues to pass by you and you don’t live in the present?
I love being a coach, and I love coaching clients through transformation in career, creativity, and life but I need to ease back into my services to be at my best for my clients and for my community.
Where that brings me to today
It’s taken me some time to write out my thoughts and share them with you all. I was scared to write again with the fear of what people would think once I returned.
I care so deeply for my community and always do my best to show those around me that it’s okay to take time for ourselves. It’s okay to take some time away. As all these different shifts have been happening in my life, I knew that I wanted to ensure I returned on my own terms rather than feel pressured by external factors to show up and act like everything was okay.
I know that these shifts in my life are bringing me closer to where I want to be, but honestly, I’m already living the dreams of younger Eril. So much has changed, for the better, and at age 265, I think that my inner child would be happy to see what I’m doing for myself today.
Life isn’t a race and a lot of my trauma wounds growing up are tied to me rushing, growing up quickly, having to figure everything out immediately as a survival mechanism.
I feel safe now and taking my time feels good for my mind, body and spirit.
Today, I recognize the growth I’ve gone through and accept that the natural shifts in my life were moments of redirection to bring me to the path I’m meant to be on.
So… what are some of the things you can possibly expect from me moving forward?
More long form content (via blogs & email newsletters)
More content on creativity, healing, connection & embodiment practices (and how this work shapes 1:1 coaching containers with me)
More content on being a multi-passionate & multi-dimensional human being (example being my newest travel blog 💌 From, Eril on Earth)
More time being present in the life I’m building, with the people I love
So yes, I’m writing again. I’m creating again. I’m coaching again!
And I can take my time easing back into it. <3
If you’re interested in working together, sign up for the waitlist here.
The chapter and season of life I’m in right now is natural and dynamic, slow and at its own pace.
If you’ve found yourself going through change after change without having a moment to process all that’s going on, this is your permission slip saying it’s okay to take that moment.
Sending you all so much love. xx
I have since gotten laid of 2x and now am in a Recruiting Lead role that has expedited my growth in more ways than I could have imagined when I first made this pivot! Wow, the funny ways life works.
Ideas are flowing out of me LOL. Potentially a hot take but excited to write this piece in the future!
I live in the East Bay now! So much has changed for 2021 Eril. I want to give her the biggest hug. She is so loved.
Okay, I have SO many more thoughts on this matter which are different from 2021 Eril. I’m literally a manifesting generator & a multi-passionate person who has bountiful energy when I follow my heart and my gut. I have a lot of writing I’ll be doing on this topic, but for now, know that this was a mindset I had in 2021 that I’m actively challenging to this day.
Crying because 26 was not that long ago, but it also feels like a blur. I was going through so much pain & hardship, but I’m proud to be able to share these stories today.